Self Love... is it Self Esteem or Self Worth?

Love yourself?

Why?

It may sound like vanity into today's world, but every human needs a good foundation of self and loving that self is vital to appreciating the gift of life.

What is it based on though? What is the foundation of one's self love?

As a child of the 80's, I grew up with larger than life heroes, rockstars, Olympians, super models, actors, explorers.... all on the TV and the magazines. They were something to aspire to, to help build and develop character and self-esteem. They did incredible things, no doubt! Unfortunately for me, I also got the wrong messages.

I thought I had to be great at everything, beautiful and provocative, with the highest IQ and fearlessness to match. Talk about a tall order for a small earth child!

So what's the difference between self-esteem and self-worth?

Self-esteem can be like a mood swing, and come and go. It's usually based on winning and losing and external results. It has to do with respect and confidence and popularity. Asking yourself the question, "Am I good enough?" Building a foundation with it can make a very fragile structure, but is necessary for participating in the game of life. (Which can be a great adventure)

Self-worth is more like the deep roots of a strong tree, very steady and supportive in all types of conditions. It's an internal true connection to yourself that doesn't rely on external validation because it's based on process and acceptance and cooperation. Think unique creative ideas, curiosity, kindness, optimism even when times are challenging, and integrity & divinity. Asking yourself the question, "What can I learn here from this failure?"

So why is society running on self-esteem? Survival mode. The earlier generations were stuck in it, competing for the most basic resources. Tribal or social standing determined stability, and competition bred an arena for achievement (value) of better social status and more resources. The gods/goddesses of old encouraged it so humanity could rise up and show what they were capable of! The modern age, however, is a different place. Parents that teach their children that affection is conditional, based on achievement and behavior, is having detrimental affects. Careers that reward competition and want perfection, not real human beings, is leaving people in depression. The dating world going solely on looks and social media status is making people more lonely.

Thank goodness for a midlife crisis! What a gift to wake up with the external filters broken: careers changing, youth evolving into maturity, social structures growing apart or shifting, going through enough grief that the big questions demanded an answer, and just the burnout of performing like a show monkey for the world...

New questions to ponder: (Midlife crisis not necessary)

"Who would you be if you were totally free from judgement or survival mode?"

"What would you wear?"

"What would you do for work?"

"Where would you be excited about going?"

"What music would you listen to?"

"Who would you spend your life with?"

What hobby would you have without ever sharing or monetizing it?"

"What song would you sing/compose about yourself?"

"Would you remember how valuable you are just for being human?"

So maybe real self love is all of the above. Having a strong inner foundation is the key to not just winning the Hunger Games, but loving others and life itself!

Just in case, questioning the motive of something can help:

"Am I wearing this to get attention or because I feel good in it?"

"Am I taking and sharing this picture of this beautiful sunset just for attention or because I believe it can bring joy to another human being?"

"Am I doing this for me or to impress them?"

"Can I be me only when I'm alone?"

Don't be afraid to embrace and love yourself! The weirdness that we hide is our originality and authentic beauty! The gift of life is you my dear :)