Radical Self-Compassion

The older I have gotten, the more aware I have become of how jolting just waking up in the mornings can be: an alarm shatters my peaceful sleep, I leave my warm bed for a chilly house, and my body struggles to catch up with the new information. For most people, all that is needed is a nice hot cup of coffee or mug of tea.

Living with a chronic health condition adds considerably more challenge to this dilemma. Some days just waking up can feel like I am playing the game of life on an exceptionally hard level with a low battery. Years ago I was diagnosed with a condition called Hyper-POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). My automatic nervous system that is responsible for regulating involuntary systems such as blood pressure, heart rate, and digestion tends to misfire. If I stand up too fast or for too long, my blood can struggle to go back up my body to my brain quite fast enough. This can make me incredibly dizzy and even on the verge of passing out if I am not careful. If I eat too heavy of a meal, my blood pools in my gut. This makes me incredibly weak and my heart might have to race to pump the blood around more. Too much stress, even from prolonged traffic or a very violent movie, can pump out too much adrenaline and send my heart racing for hours and leave me depleted.

At first I was terrified of my own body. I could not understand how I lived pretty well for nearly 40 years of my life without ever having major trouble before. It made me reevaluate my lifestyle, and eventually I had to learn a better way of living in a world that is not built for my innate system. Slowly, through tons of trial and error, I learned what worked:

Prioritizing Calm: Stress is not completely unavoidable, but I now know when to escape to somewhere cool, quiet, and dark to reset my nervous system. The first signs of high stress are heart flutters, feeling anxious, and feeling tired. Keeping a playlist of calming frequencies in noise-cancelling headphones while building in the Sims works wonders for me at these times. I am a natural introvert aka escape artist, so I have built a nice library of playlists, games, and books to settle down with. If the stress has gotten really high, I will block out all light and nap.

Reprogramming Sleep: I cut out violent or aggressive media almost entirely. I get keep informed through other outlets and still enjoy other kinds of entertainment. I avoid intense stimulation hours before bed- even if it is super fun- because my body overproduces adrenaline and I will be wired up all through the night. Instead I have built a peaceful evening routine of a warm Epsom salt bath, a lovely calm book, and maybe an episode of Escape to the Country.

Changing My Fuel: I gave up noisy, overly crowded, or very hot places, heavy carbs, all alcohol, caffeine, and over-sized portions of sugary desserts. It changed my social life drastically, but it keeps my blood sugar from spiking and my blood supply abundantly stable to relax my nervous system. Fun outings now involve more quiet, low-key restaurants, smaller portions, and going to the theatres. If I have plans on a weekend night, I make sure to rest a lot the day before and after if possible.

Staying Hydrated: Drinking enough water is non-negotiable to keep my blood volume up and in good supply. If I get bored with water, I will experiment with herbal teas and fruit-enhanced waters. Capri-Sun Roaring Waters are a good alternative and easy to bring out and about.

Permission to Slow Down: The actual hardest of all. In the modern world where productivity and constant social obligations are the norm, it is a revolutionary act to start saying no and doing less. Especially when I look perfectly normal on the outside. Over time I learned to release the guilt and replace it with total acceptance and self-love.

I also had to grieve the loss of my old life. It is never easy to be forced onto a new path. Luckily, now my health has tremendously improved and flare-ups are rare. I pack healthy snacks, I rest after busy days or outings, and I comfortably say "no" to things that will not be worth the physical toll. Most weekends are quiet, but I do still make time for family and friends for big events and holidays.

If you are struggling with a chronic condition or burnout from the modern world, try small acts of self-compassion. Over time see if choosing yourself without guilt improves the quality of your life. Going against the fast-paced flow of society is hard work, but you can reprogram your own system. Taking care of yourself is not selfish- it is absolutely required for a meaningful life :)